I presented this document to my church on February 16, 2025, after which I was baptized and welcomed as a member. Above is the live stream of the event, which should begin as I stand up to speak.
1I am a great sinner. I have lied, lusted, coveted, idolized, and much more. I’ve always known and been taught right from wrong, how to honor God, salvation in Jesus, and that I ought to believe in him, and have still done those sinful things. That is outright rebellion.
Thankfully, I have grown up with Christian parents. As a child, my life was quite happy. I was taught about God, went to church, and was surrounded with other Christian adults and similarly raised friends. Christianity was normal and expected, and I looked forward to being a Christian myself one day. I sinned often, as all kids do, but by worldly standards I was better than most. As I grew older, I would often ask God to save me. The theology I had been taught (which was correct) offered a ready excuse to avoid committing to Christ. “God had to save me, it wasn’t something I could do myself” – as I would think. Several times in my early teen years, an experience would prompt me to Christ and, for a short while, I would believe I was saved. I don’t think I told anyone about these experiences at the time, and then, when initial excitement would wear off, I would assume that meant I was no longer a Christian.
Around the age of 13, the sin in my life began to grow. No longer would I merely “sin often,” but I would often seek out sinful things. I knew it was wrong, but the shame I felt afterwards did not outweigh the pleasure I felt while committing the sin. Granted, there were some times I would succeed in battling sin, with my dad’s help, but sliding back in to sin was inevitable without Christ.
As I grew older, other flaws inside of me began to show themselves, such as laziness, lack of confidence, and the need to be liked. I was not a very secure person. I still knew I needed Christ – hell was my destiny otherwise – and this was evidenced by my false “conversion” experiences. However, I remained unable to fully commit.
One day, in early February, 2022, some of the messes in my life came to a head. I was growing even more concerned that none of my friends really liked me. I was miserable that morning, as I sat in my room. My mom came in and tried to encourage me. Soon, my dad joined us as well, and eventually it was just me and him. He did offer some encouragement – he didn’t think I was unliked by my friends – but that wasn’t the main point he tried to drive home. As we talked, he gave me an option: I could continue to live for man, aiming to please him and be miserable, or I could live for God. Eventually, somewhat reluctantly, I decided I wanted to live for God. What else could I do? The world was bringing misery. I believe I was saved that day.
In the time shortly after becoming a Christian, I was quite happy. It was exciting to have a new purpose in my life, to know that my sins were forgiven. But applying the truths I had always been taught was difficult. I tried to work out what I could do in order to live for God, now that this was my aim. However, this objective in my mind became twisted. I sin all the time! How could I possibly please God when I sin as much as I do? As a result, I slowly descended into misery again. I knew my sins were forgiven, but in my mind I still pictured God as a harsh judge. Even when I would do a good thing, I could imagine his displeasure at the flaws in my work (even imagined flaws). Additionally, there was still sin in my life that had not yet been weeded out, which did not help my situation. I struggled with assurance.
Even so, I was reluctant to be baptized. I was being pushed by various people in my life to pursue baptism, but I didn’t feel ready yet. This was partially because I was struggling with assurance, but that wasn’t the only reason. I still wasn’t quite sure what my role as a Christian was, and I also was scared of the major commitment that baptism was. I had been taught from a young age that church membership wasn’t something that could painlessly be undone, so what if my conversion wasn’t genuine? In that case, I would presumably fall away from the church at some point, destroying my life and relationships in the process. This is a scary thought to me even now. I could read the warnings in the Bible about falling away and no more hope for salvation and could easily see how that might be me. I was still being edified by church, so why take the “risk” of being baptized?
As I grew in sanctification, I also grew in my assurance of salvation. John 6 was a very big chapter in helping me overcome some of the intellectual hurdles I mentioned. It answers, in some ways, the question I faced on what I ought to do as a Christian and how I ought to live for God. In it, the crowds ask Jesus, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?” To which, Jesus replies, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” As I’ve faced doubts in my Christian walk, another verse in John 6, verse 68, has provided words that I cling to for dear life. As the crowds leave in unbelief, the passage says Jesus turned to the twelve and asked them if they wanted to go away as well, to which Simon Peter responds, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Indeed, to whom else can I go? This growing assurance, conversations I had with friends, elders, and other church members, and talks about the remaining flaws in my heart all led me to believe that I was ready to be baptized. Even so, I was still hesitant to make this commitment. I needed one last push.
So today, who am I? I am still a great sinner. I still lie, lust, covet, idolize, and commit other sins. Praise the Lord, I do those things less than I used to, and my goal is to never do them, but it still happens. So what hope is there for my soul? I feel very impure, after all. My only hope is this: that God the Son became man, dwelt among us, lived a sinless life, died on my behalf, and was raised from the dead on the third day. I believe that he is at the right hand of God the Father making intercession for me, and that one day I will see him with my eyes, no longer just by faith. Jesus Christ is my Lord and my God, and I truly believe that He is my only hope. I have this belief, and I pray that he will help my unbelief. I love Him, and I pray that He will help me love Him more. He is my sure and steady anchor, the rock on which I stand, my strength, my rest, my salvation, my life, my glory, and my all. Praise be to God. Hallelujah, all I have is Christ.
I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great savior.
- The WordPress version of my testimony was double-checked with the Apple Intelligence “Proofread” feature. Although I didn’t oversee the work it did, given that the word count is almost exactly the same, it seems to have kept almost everything I originally wrote. (The document I plan to use in front of the church did not utilize this feature, as it feels kinda “eh” to use AI to help me with my testimony, and no one will be reading that version of my testimony, as they will this one.) ↩︎