In 12 Rules for Life, Jordan Peterson talks about improving yourself. In it, he says to ask yourself what’s something you could do, that you would do, that would make your life better. The idea behind it is:
- Examine yourself. What’s a habit that would make your life better than it currently is.
- More importantly, are you willing to do it?
If the answer to the second question is no, then don’t do it, and find something that you are willing to do.1
If you’re trying to improve the habits in your life, picking a habit you don’t want to do or don’t feel ready to do isn’t going to help you. Eventually, you’ll begin faltering in your committed habit, breaking your word with yourself and making it harder to accomplish other goals in the future. Don’t lie to yourself about this, and don’t guilt yourself into a goal you don’t actually want to do. Doing something because you feel like you should doesn’t seem like the best idea to me.
This is also part of the reason that nagging someone to establish a habit isn’t a good idea. You don’t want them to do it just to make you happy, and most of the time they’ll either do it halfheartedly or wind up failing to do it altogether. Try to motivate them by creating the desire to do better, not by creating guilt from their failings.2 If they already desire the habit you want them to implement, then perhaps provide the last push to help them towards their goals. Nagging and guilt don’t actually help.
The ultimate goal isn’t to aim lower, but instead to take smaller steps as needed in order to progress towards the highest goal. In the same chapter, Peterson also says that you should try to aim at the highest good possible, orienting yourself towards it and taking the necessary steps to get there. Make attainable goals. Spend your time how you want to, not how someone else makes you feel like you should.3 Take baby steps.
- If the thing you’re trying to build a habit has to deal with fighting sin, then of course you’re required to fight it. Still, I’d say the rest of this that has to deal with taking small steps still applies. ↩︎
- Assuming you love the person and want what’s best for them. If you’re just trying to get them to do what you want, then don’t even try to convince them past an initial discussion. ↩︎
- If you’re a reasonably mature person. Don’t merely indulge all the time and shirk responsibility. That’s a path to destruction, so naturally you should want to take some time to avoid that fate. ↩︎